I don’t know about you but I have become a real fan of calm
and routine. It could be age or any
number of other reasons, but I have come to appreciate the predictable and
comfortable routines of life. Unwelcome
changes and challenges create more uncertainty than I want in my life. And, if I were in control of my life, I would
not tolerate them. Unfortunately I am
not now nor have I ever had that much control.
Unwanted changes have a way of showing up unbidden and unwelcomed.
The most challenging of these visitors is the loss of
someone who is very important to us; a parent, a partner, a best friend, or a child. In these moments our lives are upended on the
edge of a great chasm. All the “stuff”
we had carefully packed in our little cart has been scattered across the
landscape of living right along the edge of nowhere. The love we held for them has been dashed to
pieces on the boulders. Our hopes and
dreams for tomorrow have been ripped apart and scattered by gales of
emotion. Any old feelings of regret over
the past have been trampled in the dust and now feel a lot like guilt. We stand on the edge of nowhere with our
lives scattered about us.
We sit in the dust and pour out our hearts. Tears flow!
Feelings swirl around and through us like dry desert winds. Memories begin to erupt from deep within and
the tears and feelings return with even greater force. There at the edge of nowhere, we feel lost,
alone, and abandoned. We feel like we
will never escape this dry and godforsaken place.
However, in time, a little space begins to open on the edge
of nowhere when the winds of sadness and despair stop for just a moment. Gradually, the memories no longer evoke
regret and tears. Some may even begin to
create a sense of gratitude and a bit of joy.
In that moment we have found just enough space for the edge of nowhere
to become the edge of “now here.”
In “now here” we can begin to re-pack our little cart. It will not be re-packed exactly like it was
before. We may even choose to leave some
things behind. Others we may pack a
little deeper than before and others a little closer to the surface. But in the “now here” we will begin to accept
that our life’s journey will continue.
Having stepped back from the edge of nowhere, we find
ourselves in the vast “now here” as we begin the journey into our new lives as
the unwanted, unwelcomed changes brought by our loss becomes part of who we
are.
Bob Dees
