 |
| The Empty Rocker... |
Tears are an essential part of the human experience. They routinely keep our eyes lubricated so
that we can roll and focus. They also
allow us to wash foreign objects out of our eyes. Usually, these tears drain down into our nose
where they are swallowed. Tears help
keep our eyes functioning well. But,
tears also have a powerful effect upon our soul.
When we experience a powerful emotion, our eyes may produce too
many tears. These tears overwhelm the
drainage into the nose and so they well up and run down our cheeks. Some research suggests that these tears
contain a natural painkiller that produces a sense of well-being. These same tears also trigger a social
response from those around us, empathy. Emotional
tears protect and support the body and soul during times of intense stress,
presumably allowing the mind to re-engage in order to deal with the cause of
the stress. And so, the tear is our
friend in the everyday world as well as in times of trouble.
Unfortunately, many people fear the tear. It may represent vulnerability, a lack of
self-control, an emotion that they do not want to acknowledge, evidence of
weakness, or an irrefutable sign of a major change in their lives. You know the signs of “holding back the
tears.” We become rigid in body-mind-soul. We refuse to talk about the source of our
discomfort. We may put on a frozen
smile. All of our energy goes into
preventing the tears and, in time, we become utterly and completely
exhausted. One of my mentors talked
about another sign that we are holding back on our tears. She called it “leaking.” This is when a single tear forms at the inner
edge of our eye and we double down by refusing to cry!
Tears are a natural part of most people’s grief
experience. Whether they choose to do so
in public or private, tears serve a vital function in coping with the powerful
emotions that grow out of our grief. As
mentioned before, they produce a natural painkiller to help the body and mind
cope. The offer a sign to others that we
are hurting and encourage others to extend their love and support. Deep sobbing allows us to use the excess of emotional
energy in a helpful way. Tears allow us
to cope body-mind-soul with the intense emotions that occur with the grief
experience.
How long do they last?
As long as we need them. There
are some folks who are good at using “crocodile tears” to gain sympathy or to
manipulate others. But most of us can
see through insincere displays. Genuine
tears rise from deep within only when we need them. Most folks can see and feel when we are
genuinely weeping. As long as they grow
out of the deep grief experience, they will come and go as they are needed.
Will I ever stop crying?
Yes and no. They may come and go
for days, months, years, and even a lifetime.
But when they have served their purpose, they will go away. We will stop crying when we have regained the
capacity to cope. And, generally, their
frequency decreases as we develop other ways to cope. But, they can always return when they are
needed to help us recover balance in our body-mind-soul.
We can control the tears, but not the emotion. Our emotions rise from within and are shaped
by a lifetime of experiences. They occur
with little or no effort on our part.
However, we do seem to have some control over how we express them. We can control the flow but not the source of
our tears.
I have often encouraged people to recognize that tears
cleanse the soul. I encourage them to let
them flow. Whether in public or in private,
those tears help them to experience a healing presence in their lives. There will come a moment when their soul has
cried out a good bit of its sadness, at least for that moment. Their mind will be better able to deal with
the myriad of details and struggles that come with the loss.
The next time you sit with a friend who begins showing the
signs that tears are welling up, be careful about offering a Kleenex. If you are doing so to help them to capture
their tears, that is helpful. But if you
are doing so to prevent yourself from having to face their sadness and the
sadness that it evokes within your own soul, you may want to refrain. In that moment, you, also, have become one
who needs the tears to cleanse your own soul.
“And tears came before he
could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was
the point in wiping them off? Or pretending? He let them fall.” ~ J.K. Rowling
Blessings,
Bob
No comments:
Post a Comment